Gay TSA Screeners and Same-Gender Pat-Downs: A Touch of Confusion

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The Transportation Security Administration proudly proclaims there is nothing sexual about their pat-downs, which happen to include significant contact with breasts, butts, inner thighs, and sometimes even genitals. The TSA claims to ensure the intrusive pat-downs are completely platonic by matching up the passengers with screeners of the same gender. This begs the question: What does the TSA do about the homosexual TSA screeners?

There are plenty of homosexual members of American society. They have jobs in every industry. Clearly homosexual people work for the government, and it just seems obvious that there must be some homosexual people working for the TSA. Are these homosexual TSA employees allowed to conduct pat-downs on airline passengers?

This is a legitimate question, because the TSA pat-downs do involve intimate contact. In fact, the contact during these pat-downs is so intimate that TSA screeners should be (and may be at some point in the future) tried for sexual assault. We have federal employees fondling people's genitals in airports all over the country right now. In almost any other situation, if one person fondles another person's genitals in an unwelcome fashion, the offender will get arrested.

The TSA seems to think it is important to gender-match passengers and the TSA screeners conducting the pat-downs; therefore, the TSA must see the obvious potential for a pat-down turning into a sexually charged encounter. Certainly, we can all see the potential problem with a heterosexual man patting down an attractive woman. Allowing a heterosexual man to rub his hands all over the breasts and crotch of a woman may very well take on an unwanted sexual element. The man may abuse the opportunity to get in a little extra touching for his own sexual gratification, and the woman will be left feeling understandably violated. This could also apply if a straight woman were to pat-down a male passenger.

Since the TSA seems to understand the pat-downs could become sexually charged, how is the TSA handling the issue of homosexual TSA screeners and homosexual airline passengers? If the pat-downs are too sexual for straight men to pat-down heterosexual women and vice versa, then the pat-downs must also be too sexual for other combinations where sexual tensions and attractions could exist. Here are a few examples.

• a heterosexual man pats down a gay man
• a gay man pats down a heterosexual man
• a gay man pats down a gay man
• a heterosexual woman pats down a lesbian
• a lesbian pats down a heterosexual woman
• a lesbian pats down a lesbian

In all of these scenarios, at least one person could be made to feel uncomfortable. In the scenarios where the TSA screener could potentially be sexually attracted to the passenger, there is a clear opportunity for sexual violations. What is the TSA doing to protect the employees and passengers from this?

It would not be fair to bar homosexuals from being TSA screeners; however, there are few scenarios where a homosexual TSA screener can conduct a pat-down on a passenger without creating some sort of potential for trouble. If a gay man pats down a heterosexual man, the heterosexual man may get violated. If a gay man pats down a gay passenger, the gay passenger may get violated. If a gay man pats-down a heterosexual woman, the woman may feel uncomfortable being touched by a man. It works the same way in reverse with lesbian TSA screeners.

Homosexuals cannot conduct pat-downs without upsetting just about every group of people. The only scenario that might work is to restrict gay men to conducting pat-downs on lesbian passengers. Perhaps the lesbian passengers could identify themselves as homosexuals and request gay male TSA screeners for their pat-downs. That way everything can remain platonic. Conversely, maybe the lesbian TSA screeners could be restricted to conducting pat-downs on only gay men who wish to declare their sexual orientation to the TSA. Maybe, to keep the confusion to a minimum, all of the homosexuals could wear inverted pink triangles on their shirts. That way, the screeners and the passengers could find an even greater sense of security in knowing the sexual orientation of everyone passing through the TSA checkpoints. Hopefully, by now, you are seeing how ridiculous this is.

If things are not ridiculous enough for you yet, ask yourself how the TSA should be handling transgender employees and transgender airline passengers. The issue gets even crazier when you consider that some TSA screeners and airline passengers may not be clearly classified as either male or female. Some people are going through gender changes that take years. Other people were born hermaphrodites and have no choice. Should people who are not obviously one gender or another be expected to choose a gender when approached by the TSA at an airport? This gender-bending stuff is going to get way too confusing, so let's just skip this and get back to the main issue: how the TSA addresses the concerns of homosexual screeners and passengers.

A fact of life is that some men are attracted to other men, and some women are attracted to other women. We cannot expect the homosexual men and women who work for the TSA to officially declare their sexuality and recuse themselves from same-gender pat-downs. We also cannot expect homosexual passengers to declare their sexuality to the TSA to avoid same-gender pat-downs.

By now, hopefully the absurdity of this article has exposed the true problem. The problem here is not gender or sexual orientation. The problem is the pat-downs. The pat-downs are far too intrusive, and they are violating common human dignity. The questions should not be about whether or not the TSA screeners might find the pat-downs sexually gratifying or whether or not the passengers might find the pat-downs to be sexual. The question should be this: Should government workers be permitted to stick their hands in the sexually sensitive areas of innocent people's bodies without probable cause?

People are straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc. People just have different lifestyles. Even though these groups all have their differences, they are human beings and deserve basic human dignities. When a law-abiding citizen goes to the airport, that person deserves the respect of not being treated like a criminal. At the very least, people should be able to travel freely in America without the overwhelming fear of being molested by a government employee.