The TSA's Roundtrip Ticket to Your Anus

Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri, the Butt Bomber

In Jeddah, Saudi Arabia on August 27, 2009, al-Qaeda terrorist, Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri, attempted to kill Prince Mohammed Bin Nayef, the Saudi Deputy Interior Minister in charge of Counter-Terrorism. Al-Asiri tricked the prince into believing he was a terrorist who wished to surrender and help the Saudi government fight terrorism. Using this ploy, al-Asiri managed to get within feet of the prince--in the prince's home--and detonate a bomb.

You might be wondering how an admitted terrorist was able to get a bomb within feet of a prominent public official in his own home. He did so by concealing the bomb in his rectum. Fortunately for the prince, al-Asiri's body deflected much of the blast away from the prince, and the prince did not suffer any serious injuries. A better-constructed bomb, however, could have easily killed everyone in the room.

Of course, this brings up the issue of airline security. If a known terrorist can use his rectum to get a bomb into a public official's home, what is keeping a terrorist from using his rectum to sneak a bomb past the dolts working the TSA airport security checkpoints?

How long will it be before the Transportation Security Administration decides rectum bombs are a legitimate threat to airplanes? What is in store for us then? Will the TSA have us dropping our pants, bending over tables, and sticking their fingers into our anuses to probe our rectums? How else will they know whether or not we have bombs up there? Those full-body scanners might not be able to detect certain explosives with densities similar to human tissue.

You know, if man can hide a bomb in his rectum, a woman could hide a bomb in her rectum and another bomb in her vagina. How long before the TSA wants to probe around inside of vaginas looking for bombs?

Here the worst part. The TSA is currently defending its intrusive pat-downs of small children on the grounds that no class of passenger can be treated differently from the others. The concept is that, if the TSA does not pat-down children aggressively, the terrorists will begin to use children in their suicide attacks. Based on this logic, the TSA will want to inspect the anuses and vaginas of small children who wish to fly.

By this point, hopefully you are seeing how ridiculous airport security has become. Is our security really worth all of this humiliation? At some point, the precautions become worse than the threat.